Access Denied

 When you hear the word “family”, what image comes to your mind? Is it a mom & dad with kids, same-sex couple, a single lady with her cats, an older couple with their grandkids, or does your mind draw a blank? Well the definition of family has changed a lot over the years and the purpose of this post is not to define what a family is, but to get you thinking of all the variety of pieces that make up a family. No family is the same in number, race, culture, or beliefs yet if you take a family member out of the picture it leaves a hole. 

Researchers have been studying this topic for years and do you know what one of the most common questions is? Think about it for a minute. We know that researchers are focused on finding a correlation to the family’s financial well being, social status, education, and job status. Yet, the question researchers care so much about is, how does this affect the children involved. 

Let me give you an example, you are a researcher studying what happens to a family when the father is sent to jail. The easy part is tracking the family’s finances, looking at the amount of hours the mom now has to work, or recognizing they had to move in with other family members for support. However, by studying the children involved you will really be able to see if having their father in prison changes the actual success of that family. Now like I mentioned before every family is complex and different, so I do not want to trap anyone into thinking that if their dad was in prison you’re going to end up a loser. However, research has been done on topics like this and it proves more often than not that the children suffer more and get into more trouble in these kinds of cases.

This is because the kids don’t have access to a very important member of the family. This can be true for dads, moms, siblings, aunts, grandparents, and any family member that would normally play a significant role in that child’s life. These people don’t have to be criminals either, some parents may work long hours and not be available to their children. Ours may be taken away early in life from a sickness or accident. In any case though, it is the children who end up having to try and fill that missing hole. Some are able to adapt and fill in that hole with healthy, life sustaining things such as education, jobs, good friends, etc., while other kids fill that hole with gangs, drugs, or violence. 

Again I am NOT saying that it is that black and white. My main message today is to promote healthy family relations. Even if there are holes, for whatever reason, and if you are part of a family (whether you like it or not), please find ways to still stay together as a family and love one another. Or if you feel like your family is a lost cause, please give it another chance, and at the very least don’t go around trying to ruin others' families. Teach children how to form healthy habits. Parents if you are doing this on your own, talk to your kids about their feelings and listen. There is no one way to fix everything here, but children need their family. They will recognize sooner or later the holes in their family and they will want to fill it. So please be there for them and help them succeed and have the confidence they need to build their own family one day. Don't deny children their right to access their family members, be there for them and protect them.