Strength in Stress

 We have all heard the saying “what doesn't kill you makes you stronger” yet I don’t think we really sit back and separate the two. It is important to take time to think about those things that could have “killed you” and then also how they have made you “stronger.” As a family unit we all go through so many experiences that sometimes we forget to stop and analyze a little bit deeper as to how our family’s ups and downs have affected us individually and as a whole.

Let us first address these things that could “kill” our family. These are the crises that happen that act as stressors in the family. A crisis can be big or small, here is a list of common ones: death of child or spouse, getting a divorce, physical or sexual abuse, handicapped family member, chronic illness, a spouse has an affair, drug or alcohol abuse, and so many others. All of these crises can arise at any time in a family. At one point or the other a family will have to go through one or multiple crises.

Personally I honestly have been very lucky. I am in my mid-twenties and I have never had to personally experience any of these major crises mentioned above. I still have both my parents, all my siblings, and each of my grandparents on both sides. No one in my family has any kind of addiction, medical issues, or abusive behaviors. You may look at this and say that I have the “perfect” family and that I have had life so easy. You would right to say my life has been easier than many and for that I will always be grateful. However, these crises that arise in a family may not always be super obvious. 

Stressors and crises may come in the form of more internal battles. These can include things such as anxiety, unnecessary pressures, unrealistic expectations, and mental health concerns. Now these are very personal things, yet they have a major impact on the entire family. I remember growing up in sports and always remembering the saying that “a team is only as strong as their weakest player.” 

What do we do when we find ourselves or our family surrounded by these crises? Naturally we find ourselves reacting in three different ways. We either fight, flight, or freeze in the face of adversity. Which leads me to the second step of becoming strong through our crises. Do we fight for our happiness and the unity of our family? Do we pick up and leave, turning our back on the ones we love? Or do we just stop and don’t do anything? There are so many ways to react to a given crisis, but in order to grow and become stronger from these experiences we need to accept that these crises don’t define us. 

As I mentioned before my family situation may seem like a “perfect” scenario right now, but we have all had to fight through our own personal, internal battles. These internal battles we faced and have overcome have made each of us very strong individuals. Yet, we were raised and taught to always support each other through these trials. Even if I never fully understood what my parents were going through or the challenges my siblings faced, we were always there for each other. We learned how to get through tough times individually and also how to support others as they work through theirs. 

Every family and individual is different and goes through their own struggles. All families at one point will have to go through crises and stressors. We must accept the challenges placed in our paths, be a support to one another, and learn how to grow from each experience.