Taboo Topic of Sex

           I would like to take this opportunity to discuss a topic that can be a bit controversial and also very sensitive to some people. I usually try to make my blogs relatable to all people, but today I want to discuss how sex is often seen as a taboo topic from the members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Letter-day Saints. Before I start let me make this VERY clear, the doctrine and teachings of the prophets and apostles has always been presented correctly. However, as individual members we have created a culture that makes talking freely about things like sex, pornography, or masturbation almost impossible. 

Many people have complained to me that there is not enough proper teachings in the church about these topics, however, I would like to argue that there is endless information given by the leaders of the church. It is us who choose not to seek the right information and teach it properly. Why would this be an issue? It is important to understand that as members of the Church of Jesus Christ we believe that having physical intimacy is only to happen after you are married. Even things such as passionate kissing and dating seriously have guidelines. Let me share an insert from a booklet “For the Strength of Youth” that says, “you should not date until you are at least 16 years old... Before marriage, do not participate in passionate kissing, lie on top of another person, or touch the private, sacred parts of another person’s body, with or without clothing. Do not do anything else that arouses sexual feelings. Do not arouse those emotions in your own body.” This is what the church teaches, yet when we would have lessons during church we would simply read the booklet and call it good. We never just had an open discussion about it, so I always felt like topics such as dating, sex, physical touch with a guy, masturbation, or pornography were things to be talked about. 

In the church many people say that some women over time find themselves in the “good-girl syndrome” where they think that sex is bad, talking about physical intimacy is a big no-no, and are actually not able to have sex when married because all of a sudden after being told their whole life “don’t have sex” they are given the green light on their wedding night. Yet, even because they have the green light, they have never had a positive, clarifying discussion about sex. In that same booklet the leaders of the church teach that, “physical intimacy between husband and wife is beautiful and sacred. It is ordained of God for the creation of children and for the expression of love between husband and wife.” The doctrine and teachings are clear, yet as individuals teach about things like sex it has become so taboo that the beautiful ability God gave us has turned into something woman and men often fear because we are not educated enough on what makes this such a great ability. 

Now I can’t speak for men because I am a woman and I don’t know exactly how they feel but I would like to share my thoughts specifically for the women. How many times have I heard someone talk about things like masturbation, pornography, or sex and the person teaching will say something like “I know you girls don’t have any issues with this, so we won’t take a lot of time talking about it.” I heard that so many times growing up and it always made me upset because I think every girl has an issue with these topics. Whether they are actively masturbating, viewing pornography, or having sex it doesn’t matter. Sometimes girls in the church are just confused and don’t understand their body or natural sexual desires. These are not just topics to breeze over, our sexual nature is a gift from God and just like any other gifts we are given we need to understand them. This can be done in the home of course, but what a strength it would be to have these discussions with other girls in the church who are going through exactly what you are going through. Who have the same questions and fears. 

This culture that members have created over time has made the idea of sex a negative thing, so when the time comes to get married we at times fear it. Obviously each couple has to communicate openly with each other and make it work for them, but I believe if we started to make sex an untabooed conversation topic we can get rid of a lot of the unnecessary fear and stress that sex adds to the beginning of a marriage. Sister Wendy Nelson shares the most powerful talk I have ever heard about young adults views on sex and the correct ways to look at physical intimacy. The talk is titled “Love and Marriage” that discusses many of the issues I have already brought up. She shares the joy that physical intimacy and sexual cleanliness can have. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we need to be able to talk more openly about the important God given gift of sexual intimacy, while still keeping it a sacred discussion. Now more than ever the world is trying to teach us what sex and love looks like, which is the opposite of what God believes, so we need to teach what God has taught us, so we don’t fall victim to the views of the world.